Honesty is essential to building trust in all relationships. Being honest in a relationship is more complex than just sharing what you think about something. Honesty is about knowing who you are and being willing to share your deepest thoughts and feelings with your partner, even when they may cause discomfort between you.

In many of my sessions, as a couples therapist, the behavior of “people pleasing” shows up in the relationship dynamic. People pleasing is the first sign that honesty is not fully present in the relationship. When you are able to be honest about your true thoughts, feelings, and intentions you will have stronger boundaries that protect your individual needs, and also protect the safety built in your relationship.

Honesty requires a level of vulnerability, which is why creating an emotionally safe environment is so important to your relationship. Honesty is also a way to show mutual respect within your relationship. When you tell your partner the truth, even when difficult, you communicate to them that you believe they are capable of understanding and compassion. Having trust in your relationship will help you to honor each other’s boundaries around difficult conversations. 

When you provide honest and truthful information it also allows your partner to fully consent to the relationship. Without the truth your partner cannot fully provide consent to any emotional or physical intimacy that you participate in. Their connection with you is not based in truth, and this can have long term damage to both your relationship and each of you individually. Without honesty you betray yourself, by presenting some other version of who you really are, and you also betray your partner who is trusting and believing that you will be truthful. Betrayal negatively impacts your mental health, causing high levels of stress and depression, as well as intenses levels of anger, sadness and grief. Betrayal can also cause you or your partner to question their own self worth and identity. Being deceived or feeling used can challenge a person’s understanding of themselves and challenge how they value their own worth. 

The difference between privacy and secrets is intention. Privacy is a person’s right to control who has access to their personal information, thoughts, and feelings. Privacy is important to relationships because it allows each partner to maintain their personal autonomy and set boundaries. Secrets, however, are thoughts, feelings, and information that are intentionally kept to prevent harm. Not all secrets are malicious, like planning a surprise birthday party. But secrets that impact the well-being of another person are harmful and a form of betrayal. 

Whether you are starting a new relationship, moving your relationship to the next step, or celebrating many years together, honesty continues to be at the foundation of a successful and healthy relationship. Honesty builds trust, deeper connection, and emotional safety for both partners. Honesty is a form of honoring yourself and showing respect for your partner. 

If you live in New Mexico or Florida schedule your free 15 minute consult with me today!